I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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