How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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