I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
