im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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