I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
