btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
