i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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