I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
