After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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