I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize