I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want nice things and good sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
