I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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