Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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