did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
