Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
