I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
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Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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