You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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