Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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