I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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