OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
