Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
