If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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