Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im holly from the hills drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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