The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
