Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
