help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That accounts for only three of the penises
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
