hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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