Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
