I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
