I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wear drunk well.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
