My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
