My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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