whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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