i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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