A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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