Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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