So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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