She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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