So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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