Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
