My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
