why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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