I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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