I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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