Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
