...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
