Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
