Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
