I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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