Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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