my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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