respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
