Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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