So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
