I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
