my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
