I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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