imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
