You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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