sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
