Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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