it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
