WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
