You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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