he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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