I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
