so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is wine microwaveable?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
