its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
