I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
