i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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