just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
