his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
