Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
